I Asked, "When Did You Have To Apologize For Being White?" Got responses, but only answers to a different question.

This is my attempt at consolidating the responses.

I am from the era of Generation Jones—that slice of time when late Boomers meet Gen X—and many of us, including myself, still have active Facebook accounts. When JD Vance made the statement, “Americans don’t have to apologize for being white anymore,” I posted a question on Facebook for my potential 735 contacts asking if they’d ever had to apologize for being white and to share what happened in the comments. I intended the question in the most literal of ways, and expected to forget about it-- that there would be no replies, because of course this never happens. Well, I did get replies, but not to the question I’d asked. The question respondents wanted to answer was, “Have you ever experienced discomfort, awkwardness, or other negative reactions or consequences because of systemic racism in America?” Clearly not the same question.

The replies received generally fall into four categories. The first centers on three terms: betrayal, wounds, and distrust. Imagine sharing physical space with someone against whom you harbor no angst. They are at first polite, then they stab you in the back and leave you bleeding. Is it reasonable to expect that you would stand there bleeding, and when someone else enters this space and is polite to you, you’ll pretend you’re not bleeding and trust that they will not also pull a knife? Now think of the treaty violations committed over and over again by our government against Native Americans. Red lining of neighborhoods. VA benefits afforded to white soldiers after WW2 but denied to non-white soldiers. Jim Crow. Segregated schools. Lynchings, still occurring. Etc… The collective wound may not be fatal, but not for lack of White Supremacist groups’ efforts. Wounds don’t heal if you don’t acknowledge them, and if a person of color should acknowledge the wounds' existence, they should not have to pretend it's no big deal and be silence for saying , “Hey! I’m still bleeding because you keep poking and slapping at the wound, then penalizing me for resisting your wounding hands!” So, when those who are ruled by compassion, upon seeing the bleeding, approach with healing intentions and then are met with rejection and distrust, it can be a painful experience, even if the reason for the distrust is understandable. Sometimes gaining trust is an effort dwelling in the same miracle territory as trying to re-grow a severed limb, the wound being that severe. Erasing historical information from nation data bases will not heal anyone. Wanting to express regret for these seeds of division is not the same has having to apologize for the skin you were born in. It would be foolish to invalidate or minimize the challenges presented. Not an answer to my question, but some of the experiences shared were of this spirit, as this is my best summary the conveyed sentiment.

The second I believe is summarized by an individual’s personal experience of negative fallout from their employers DEI program. The specific details were not listed in the comments, so in an effort to avoid a posture of invalidation, as no prizes are to be won for invalidating anyone’s reported experiences, I am submitting a possible scenario. Perhaps there existed instances in which managers were offered significant monetary incentives from corporate leadership to hire from diverse groups rather than providing a stated policy of only encouragement to adopt a mindful approach, so possibly for lack of quantity/quality interested applicants from diverse populations presenting, someone less qualified was hired so HR or the manager could reap their monetary reward. That’s not a DEI-in-principle problem. That’s a corporate/managerial integrity problem. I believe that throwing out the DEI baby with the low-integrity bathwater is not a solution. Again though, I understand that I did not have all the details regarding this particular white person’s lived experience. They also expressed strong opinions about the politics of DEI and question the motives for its existence. I find that embracing a faith tradition which includes an understanding that your ultimate boss is Omniscience, the Divine, a Higher Power, one can endure a season of difficulty, overcome unintended or misdirected consequences of legislation intended to level the playing field. It can help to note that is not the folks at the low end who are the problem, but those at the high end propped up by corporate welfare. Still, ultimately the response was not an answer to my question.

The third category was regarding division within a mixed-race family. The white-presenting person commenting stated she was hated since childhood for being white by cousins who were brown. She said she was made to feel ashamed of being white. Her narration indicated that there was much mean-spiritedness and as a little one she was quite hurt by them. The summary of her commentary left me with the impression these cousins were raised to be resentful and bitter. She implied that it would surprise me that non-white people also contain the capacity to be racist. That’s quite an implication or conclusion to jump to. I am sorry that any child of any race finds themselves on the business end of race-based hostility (any hostility really—they’re just kids!). True, we all must keep our mirrors close at hand, engage in self-examination to see what of racism’s root might remain within ourselves. Her story is one of misguided hostility from family-- bitterness over white privilege being made a lifestyle (on the surface—there may be more family lore or history there) and a little girl being wrongfully caught in the crosshairs. There may exist the possibility this experience left her struggling with bitterness of her own. I say this because one week after posting my question, taking his cues from Nick Shirley, her spouse found a webpage for a black woman-owned daycare center located in his community, and seeing that they received government funding, made a video of himself giving them a call. There was no answer and the call went to voicemail. On the video he informs the viewer that this is “interesting”. Then this significantly-sized man got into his vehicle, drove to the in-home daycare site, and knocked on the door. There was no answer. The viewer is told again that this is “interesting”. This occurred between the week of Christmas and New Years. As a former daycare worker and customer, I am aware that sometimes smaller daycares close for that week. Not “interesting”. Could there be fraud? Who knows? Was it appropriate to post the location and phone number, as well as the video he’d made, on the locally managed state Turning Point USA Facebook page? Absolutely not. Also, it is important to note that not every action of one spouse is a reflection on the other. Also, I do feel that her experience as a child is the closest to feeling the need to apologize for being white, from a child’s perspective. Some situations require us to dig very deeply to find grace. Lord help us who are committed to following Your steps and doing so.

The fourth category, to my mind, highlights the profound ridiculousness of Vance’s statement. A white friend who has very dark hair/features and can be perceived as having a heritage other than white European during the summer months reported being approached, upon more than one occasion, by Hispanic people asking him questions in Spanish, thinking my friend was of Latino origin and Spanish-speaking based upon how he presents. (I can relate to this a bit, but as I age, I suspect I am perceived as white-presenting 100% of the time now.) He’s kindhearted and was probably sorry he couldn’t understand the questions and be of assistance. But this points out that skin does not ascribe to anyone a specific set of skills or language fluency, capacity for compassion or criminality, “legal” asylum applicant or border-jumping felon status, or any other presumptuous non-sensical judgements. And true, not an answer to my question, but a good illustration of how we appear to others may not be the same to everyone. (And it’s a reminder that this particular white friend, just like my non-white friends, is at greater risk of being snatched off the street by ICE than I am.)

I feel that my observation, based upon the replies to the question I’d posed--that no American has had to apologize for being white--that Vance’s comment was based upon a false premise, stands. Not only that, but no one is asking for an apology. People want compassion, truth, and justice, so that we may then have peace, and maybe even the fruition of a renowned dream—one which, despite the escalating forces working against it, is still worth fighting for.

Scrappy cartoonish little drawing . Scribbly punt today--not my best work, but I want to share to encourage others who are more talented to not be shy about sharing their work. (At least you can rest assured this is not AI!)